Emotional Intelligence (EQ ) is a hot topic today. The reasons for its importance are threefold:

1. Emotional Intelligence is recognized to be one of the most important
predictors of personal, business and professional success.
2. With appropriate education and training, Emotional Intelligence can
be developed throughout our lives.
3. In a world of unprecedented change and challenge it is our ability to
increase our EQ that will help us build the leadership, transparent
communication and collaboration to lead better lives, do better
business and contribute to a better world.

Like most human competencies, Emotional Intelligence is best increased in the
learning and the doing, and that is why EQ focused coaching is so powerful,
helping clients not only learn about EQ but integrate strategies and solutions that
increase EQ in their lives and careers.

We believe that awareness is the most important of EQ competencies because it
is the building block upon which our emotional intelligence can grow and thrive.Let us explore it further:

1. What Emotional Intelligence is.
2. How the human brain is constructed to be Emotionally Intelligent.
3. The basic components or competencies of Emotional Intelligence.
4. The critical importance of Emotional Intelligence to building a
successful mediation/dispute resolution practice and a successful
life at the speed of change.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

Emotional intelligence (EQ ) is a set of abilities or competencies that enable
us to understand and manage ourselves and our emotions effectively. EQ also
helps us understand and effectively relate to others. Stress tolerance,
leadership, communication, collaboration, social responsibility, problem solving,
creativity and self-actualization all require high EQ. With appropriate education
and training, EQ can be developed over our lifespan.

"In a study of skills that distinguish star performers in every field from entry-level jobs to executive positions, the single most important factor was not IQ, advanced degrees, or technical experience, it was EQ. Of the competencies required for excellence in performance in the job studies, 67% were emotional competencies."

Working with Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman

Whether Americans are by nature attuned to fighting for what they perceive are
their rights; or the amount of litigation that is done in the United States reflects
the need for the increased emotional intelligence competencies that can mitigate
dispute, no one will argue with the fact that the United States is a very litigious
nation.

IQ may get you the client, but your EQ skills will help you keep the client and
build a growing practice. Why? Because, while human beings like to intellectualize their decisions to purchase a product or a service, the bottom line remains that we buy services and products from those we trust and like. It is our ability to trust and like another person that makes us feel comfortable with the relationship and propels the desire to have or to purchase something from them. And, in a situation where we need to mediate a dispute, the desires to feel good and to feel validated are the primary drivers that help us select a mediator or dispute resolution specialist.


To get a better understanding at the power of emotional intelligence lets take a
look at how our human brains are constructed to be emotionally intelligent.

OUR BRAIN CONSTRUCTED TO BE EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT

What we call the oldest part of our brain is the Reptilian Brain. It is a bulb that
sits at the top of the spinal cord.controls very rudimentary things -- breathing, swallowing, and heartbeat, the visual tracking system that a frog uses to snap up flies, or the startle reflex that human infants are born with. For reptiles, it is a life of simple choices: Do I eat it? Do I ignore it? Do I run away? Do I mate with it? Creatures like reptiles do not have emotions; they act without thinking. They live a life of reflexive action… they live a life that is propelled and compelled by the Reptilian Brain.

Survival reactions (as opposed to emotions) come from our Reptilian Brain and
they are stronger than those based on thought processes because we need them
to survive. If, for instance, someone shoves a knife in your face, your reaction is
going to be extreme. Your brain doesn't want you to think; that would slow you
down. When you sense the knife being shoved into your face, your reptilian
brain kicks off an all-systems-go alert, because it needs you to act immediately
without thinking. When a human being perceives what they believe to be a
danger or a threat to their wellbeing or survival, the Reptilian Brain kicks into
action and pushes us to act without thinking.

The next part of the brain to consider in human beings and other mammals was the
limbic brain. The limbic brain can be expressive and can intuit, but it doesn't
reason and it isn't logical, and it doesn't respond to our will. It can be influenced
but that's about it. The role of the limbic brain is pivotal to human functioning
because it is what makes our relationships possible. It is this part of our brain
that helps us bond with our mates, care for our young, desire companionship,
sing, or create vocal communication and play. The ability to create art, poetry,
symbols, metaphors, parables and to feel responsibility, morals, duty, ethics and
social responsibility probably reside in this part of the brain also… because all of
these relate to our attachments and bonds with others. Less evolved, non mammalian creatures like reptiles do not have a limbic brain. They are therefore unable to process feelings, bond, care, desire companionship, create vocal communication, sing or play.

The functions of the Reptilian Brain and the Limbic System are involuntary, and
values are neutral. This means that our bodies and our Reptilian Brain and
Limbic System respond chemically and instinctively in ways that we do not fully
understand, whether we are consciously aware of them or not. While what a
healthy, well balanced person does with his/her feelings is under their control, the
actual emotions that we feel are not. The Reptilian and the Limbic System will
not take orders, rather they work to send us signals about our feelings so we can
tune into these signals and stay safe. Of course, we all know that just because
you feel something doesn’t mean it's always beneficial to act upon it. If a person
has trouble controlling his or her impulses they need to seek professional help.

The ability to control behavior and actions in the face of very strong emotions is
created in the third part of the brain, the Neo Cortex. The Neo Cortex is the
largest part of the brain and it weighs approximately three pounds. Neo means
“new” and the Neo Cortex is the most recently evolved part of our brain. It is the
seat of our thinking, logic and reasoning. This brain is not only large, but it has
two hemispheres - right and left. The left hemisphere or “left brain” makes linear,
logical, step by step plans. The right hemisphere or “right brain” generates ideas,
language and creative thought. The Neo Cortex is the only part that can use
abstract symbols like math and words.

This part of the brain, the Neo Cortex, is the one most people are most familiar
with, so we tend to think of it as the brain. Western civilization has almost
worshiped logic and reason for centuries--well at least since the Age of Reason.
We have put so much emphasis on education through words, ideas, and logic
that we tend to forget--if we ever knew--that these things mean nothing to 2
brains out of our 3.

The Neo Cortex is the center for all our higher-level, "civilized" functioning
language, physics, math, analysis... It can modulate feelings and integrate them,
and it can talk about them. However, to solve problems, we need the Reptilian
Brain, Limbic System and Neo Cortex to be working together. Making good
decisions means engaging the emotional intelligence, and that demands getting
in touch with our feelings and using the Reptilian, Limbic and Neo Cortex in
coordination:

• Reptilian = instincts (involuntary)
• Limbic = emotions (involuntary)
• Neo Cortex = thought (voluntary)
It is the human ability to align instincts, emotions and thoughts that gives us the
capacity to increase our emotional intelligence. And it is the human ability to use
the changes, challenges and even crucibles we face to develop self awareness,
emotional management and regulation that helps us feel better, lead better,
communicate better and succeed better.

UNDERSTANDING THE GENERAL EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE COMPETENCIES

Here are the major emotional intelligence competencies that make up a fully
integrated personality as well as a sample of a state of the art assessment that
measures EQ.

1. Emotional Self-awareness - The degree to which you are able
to notice your feelings, label them and attribute them properly.
2. Emotional Expression – The ability to express your feelings
and gut-level instincts. Emotional expression is an integral part
of your day.
3. Emotional Awareness of Others - The ability to hear, sense
or intuit what other people may be feeling from their words,
body language (non verbal) or other direct or indirect clues.
4. Creativity – Tapping into the multiple non-cognitive resources
that help us envision new ideas, frame alternative solutions, and
find effective ways of doing things.
5. Resilience/Flexibility/Adaptability. The ability to bounce
back, be flexible, and retain curiosity and hope in the face of
adversity, change or challenge.
6. Interpersonal Connections - Creating and sustaining a
network of people with whom you can be your real and whole
self.
7. Constructive Discontent – The ability to stay calm focused and
emotionally grounded in disagreement or conflict.
8. Outlook/Optimism - Being positive and optimistic.
9. Compassion/Empathy - The ability to be empathic, appreciate
and honor others' feelings.
10. Intuition - The ability to notice, trust and use your hunches,
gut-level reactions, and other non-cognitive responses produced
by the senses, emotions, mind and body.
11. Intentionality: Saying what you mean and meaning what
you say; being willing to forego distractions and temptations in
order to be responsible for your actions and your motives.
12. Trust radius - Believing people are "good" until proven
otherwise-Alternatively overcoming being too trusting.
13. Personal Power - Believing you can meet challenges and live
the life you choose.

The personal and professional imperatives for understanding and increasing EQ are
unassailable.

IQ may get you the job, but EQ will help you achieve continued professional and
personal success.


THE ROLE OF EQ IN DISPUTE RESOLUTION

The engagement of increased EQ drives successful dispute resolution . Excellent mediation means modeling the clients’ EQ competencies and further to help the clients increase their EQ where lacking and create anew transparency of communication, trust and collaboration - that will make win-win solutions possible.

While all the EQ competencies are important to dispute resolution and mediation
there are three EQ competencies in particular that can make or break the
process: Flexibility/resilience, Creativity and Intentionality.

While flexibility/resilience, intentionality and creativity are the building blocks of
dispute resolution and mediation they are also the most difficult to attain just by
virtue of the fact that they are thwarted by fear and anger. Unfortunately the
emotions of fear and anger that perpetuate dispute and conflict also distort and
deflect communication and resolution because they are stronger than reason and
related to our Reptilian Brain. When we are overcome with feelings of anger and
fear our reason is clouded and the very anger and fear we feel takes us farther
and farther away from a rational point of view.

“Motivation” and “ emotion” come from the same root and both are contagious.
The ability to model empathy (an EQ competency) while also demonstrating
management and regulation of emotions (an EQ competency) is one of the
strongest ways that we can mediate conflict. Modeling empathy, management
and regulation of emotions is important because emotions are contagious and
have the ability to move us either away from our desired goal or towards our
desired goal faster than a speeding bullet.

Keeping your pulse on what is really happening means more than understanding
the logic of what is being said or proposed, it means being able to get into the
client’s skin if you will; being able to understand the feeling behind their
communication, the true desire behind what they feel they need and using what
they are feeling to create to mastermind a resolution to conflict.

Successful mediation or dispute resolution requires knowledge, training,
professional excellence, integrity, agility and creativity of thought… but, of equal
import, it requires the engagement of high emotional intelligence competencies
that help both the mediator and clients tap into the emotions, thoughts and
actions that create a resolve to perceived discrimination.

And the good news is that not only can EQ competencies be increased, but your
ability to increase, model and express high EQ will be pivotal, not only in setting
the stage for better professional results, but in helping you build a better life at
the speed of change.

Based on ideas expressed by Irene Becker